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More of the writer's life
Mar. 28th, 2010 12:29 pm... and then after complaining about my lack of accomplishment, I was bit with the writing bug yesterday and have written 8000 words since early yesterday afternoon. Go figure.
One of the things that's been holding me back lately, I guess, is getting hung up on the idea that what I write has to be good. That's second-draft thinking. *g*
It's interesting -- there's this trajectory that my writing seems to have followed, where I started out (as a teenager) writing like crazy, all the time, without worrying too much about "quality" or publish-ability or what other people thought about it. "Raven's Children", I think, shows the tail end of that surge of adolescent creativity: like everything I wrote back then, it's marvelously creative and was incredibly fun for me to write, but I think it reads like a promising but meandering first draft that needed to be revised into a final draft.
I've improved tremendously as a writer over the last ten years, I think; fanfic's been a wonderful training ground for prose, and webcomics have helped me hone my skills at plotting and world-building with real-time feedback. And now I feel like I've reached a point where I'm capable of better work than I ever have been, and my targets are more ambitious -- I'm setting my sights seriously on publication. But in the process, I've gotten all wound up in that elusive goal of quality and lost my ability to get caught up in the flow of unrestricted creativity like I used to be able to.
I think the skill I need to master at this stage of the game is revision. Because that unrestricted flow of creativity is why I write; if I don't enjoy it (and for the last couple of years, writing has been an awful slog for me), if I just want to be published for the money and not for the story I have to tell, I may as well get a 9-to-5 job. But I want the "quality" too -- I can see the brass ring dangling just out of reach, the promise of being able to unify plot and character and theme and language into a finished product that I'm really proud of.
So I guess that what I need to learn to do is to compartmentalize -- to throw myself wholeheartedly into the rough draft and turn off the killjoy inner editor, and then to turn off the writer enough to be brutal on my first draft, to prune out the stuff that is making it a weaker story and shape it up into the best it can be. I am not good at that; I tend to be an edit-as-I-go writer, because it's really hard for me to make major changes or cuts to what's already written. And the crazy thing is, that worked fine when I was a poorer writer; what I was producing using that method was the best that I could do at the time. But it doesn't work any more. It's taken me a while to realize that, but I think I'm actually getting good enough -- or maybe just discerning enough, which not exactly the same thing -- that I can't let go enough to write -- all the rough-draft issues are nagging at me and telling me "this is no good; there's no point; you'll never sell it." So I guess I need to learn to stop editing as I go, and instead switch between the two modes deliberately rather than having them both operating at once.
One of the things that's been holding me back lately, I guess, is getting hung up on the idea that what I write has to be good. That's second-draft thinking. *g*
It's interesting -- there's this trajectory that my writing seems to have followed, where I started out (as a teenager) writing like crazy, all the time, without worrying too much about "quality" or publish-ability or what other people thought about it. "Raven's Children", I think, shows the tail end of that surge of adolescent creativity: like everything I wrote back then, it's marvelously creative and was incredibly fun for me to write, but I think it reads like a promising but meandering first draft that needed to be revised into a final draft.
I've improved tremendously as a writer over the last ten years, I think; fanfic's been a wonderful training ground for prose, and webcomics have helped me hone my skills at plotting and world-building with real-time feedback. And now I feel like I've reached a point where I'm capable of better work than I ever have been, and my targets are more ambitious -- I'm setting my sights seriously on publication. But in the process, I've gotten all wound up in that elusive goal of quality and lost my ability to get caught up in the flow of unrestricted creativity like I used to be able to.
I think the skill I need to master at this stage of the game is revision. Because that unrestricted flow of creativity is why I write; if I don't enjoy it (and for the last couple of years, writing has been an awful slog for me), if I just want to be published for the money and not for the story I have to tell, I may as well get a 9-to-5 job. But I want the "quality" too -- I can see the brass ring dangling just out of reach, the promise of being able to unify plot and character and theme and language into a finished product that I'm really proud of.
So I guess that what I need to learn to do is to compartmentalize -- to throw myself wholeheartedly into the rough draft and turn off the killjoy inner editor, and then to turn off the writer enough to be brutal on my first draft, to prune out the stuff that is making it a weaker story and shape it up into the best it can be. I am not good at that; I tend to be an edit-as-I-go writer, because it's really hard for me to make major changes or cuts to what's already written. And the crazy thing is, that worked fine when I was a poorer writer; what I was producing using that method was the best that I could do at the time. But it doesn't work any more. It's taken me a while to realize that, but I think I'm actually getting good enough -- or maybe just discerning enough, which not exactly the same thing -- that I can't let go enough to write -- all the rough-draft issues are nagging at me and telling me "this is no good; there's no point; you'll never sell it." So I guess I need to learn to stop editing as I go, and instead switch between the two modes deliberately rather than having them both operating at once.
I keep meaning to write something in here, but really, it's just life, life and more life.
We had a wonderful time earlier this month visiting my husband's grandparents in Florida. His Grandma passed away a few days later; as much as it hurts to know that, I'm very glad that we were able to see her first.
We're starting to see tiny glimmerings of spring. There are patches of bare ground showing on the banks along the driveway. It's light 'til after 9 p.m. now ... a small taste of things to come. We had some depressingly chilly weather right after we got back from Florida -- nothing sucks the anticipation right out of spring like going from 70-degree weather to 0-degree weather. But Weather Underground claims it's supposed to get above freezing during the day for the upcoming week. Well, it has to warm up eventually.
I got my approval notice from the graduation office, so after seven more weeks of school, I'll have my long-deferred BA. I haven't decided yet if I want to take classes in the fall. Technically I'll have my degree, but I still get free tuition courtesy of Orion, and there are still a number of courses that look interesting. Maybe I'll just take one, to keep my hand in. As frustrated as I've occasionally gotten with some of the classes I've taken, I'm loving the feeling of learning new things and being exposed to new ideas. On the other hand, taking a year off to work on creative projects is awfully appealing ...
Speaking of creative matters, I think I might revise my creative targets to be more goal-oriented than word-count-oriented, because while yes, I've been pretty much keeping up with my word count goals (which is awesome!) I'm not really finishing anything. The word count/page count measure of progress works quite well to get from start to finish on a large project such as a novel, but otherwise, I think I might do better to focus more on finishing things (say, a short story a week) rather than trying to hit an arbitrary word count, which seems to result in me trying to make the target by writing bits and pieces all over the place. And I'm worried that it's becoming actively counterproductive when I'm working on short things -- well, okay, let's take this week: I've still got 3000 words (or so) to make my week's goals, so rather than picking up a short story that might just need a round of revisions and 500 words to finish, I'll try to find something, ANYTHING on which I can write 3000 words, even if I don't end up getting anywhere. That's not productive. It just means that I end up with dozens of half-finished projects that aren't ever going to be finished without hefty revisions ... revisions I'm not inclined to make because they don't count towards my word count goals. Yeaahhhhh.
So I guess my general plan from here to the end of the semester is to try to finish something short each week; then after the semester's over, I'll get a novel underway and go back to focusing on word counts. That sounds good.
We had a wonderful time earlier this month visiting my husband's grandparents in Florida. His Grandma passed away a few days later; as much as it hurts to know that, I'm very glad that we were able to see her first.
We're starting to see tiny glimmerings of spring. There are patches of bare ground showing on the banks along the driveway. It's light 'til after 9 p.m. now ... a small taste of things to come. We had some depressingly chilly weather right after we got back from Florida -- nothing sucks the anticipation right out of spring like going from 70-degree weather to 0-degree weather. But Weather Underground claims it's supposed to get above freezing during the day for the upcoming week. Well, it has to warm up eventually.
I got my approval notice from the graduation office, so after seven more weeks of school, I'll have my long-deferred BA. I haven't decided yet if I want to take classes in the fall. Technically I'll have my degree, but I still get free tuition courtesy of Orion, and there are still a number of courses that look interesting. Maybe I'll just take one, to keep my hand in. As frustrated as I've occasionally gotten with some of the classes I've taken, I'm loving the feeling of learning new things and being exposed to new ideas. On the other hand, taking a year off to work on creative projects is awfully appealing ...
Speaking of creative matters, I think I might revise my creative targets to be more goal-oriented than word-count-oriented, because while yes, I've been pretty much keeping up with my word count goals (which is awesome!) I'm not really finishing anything. The word count/page count measure of progress works quite well to get from start to finish on a large project such as a novel, but otherwise, I think I might do better to focus more on finishing things (say, a short story a week) rather than trying to hit an arbitrary word count, which seems to result in me trying to make the target by writing bits and pieces all over the place. And I'm worried that it's becoming actively counterproductive when I'm working on short things -- well, okay, let's take this week: I've still got 3000 words (or so) to make my week's goals, so rather than picking up a short story that might just need a round of revisions and 500 words to finish, I'll try to find something, ANYTHING on which I can write 3000 words, even if I don't end up getting anywhere. That's not productive. It just means that I end up with dozens of half-finished projects that aren't ever going to be finished without hefty revisions ... revisions I'm not inclined to make because they don't count towards my word count goals. Yeaahhhhh.
So I guess my general plan from here to the end of the semester is to try to finish something short each week; then after the semester's over, I'll get a novel underway and go back to focusing on word counts. That sounds good.
Looking forward
Aug. 19th, 2009 03:12 pmI am now officially among the ranks of the unemployed. My last day at the News-Miner was July 24th; then I was traveling, and now I am back, taking stock and figuring out what the future holds for me.
It's a cool, brisk sunny day with a taste of fall (and a frost warning for tonight, zounds) -- a good day for making a cup of tea, taking stock and thinking about the upcoming semester and beyond!
*makes tea*
*returns with tea, and chocolate*
( Planning )
It's a cool, brisk sunny day with a taste of fall (and a frost warning for tonight, zounds) -- a good day for making a cup of tea, taking stock and thinking about the upcoming semester and beyond!
*makes tea*
*returns with tea, and chocolate*
( Planning )
I'm not a big-A Artist
May. 23rd, 2009 01:28 pmThere's a post up this morning at Elizabeth Bear's LJ on the responsibility of the artist to Art that ties in interesting ways to some of the stuff I've been thinking about lately, on my own writing and why I write and how it's changed over time. (Also to the Patricia Wrede discussion, and this post on art vs. humanity, which I agree with 110%.) In fact, Bear's post and her core argument is pretty much a capsule example of Why Layla Dropped Out Of Art School. It was to get away from people who thought like that.
... Okay, that's not entirely fair. But when I read that post, my knee-jerk reaction was, "Oh god, it's like I'm a freshman again!" -- and not in a good way. The thing is, I loved studying art; I loved learning the techniques and studying and riffing off famous artists from the past. What I did not love, and what made me realize (among other things) that art-as-a-career was not for me, was the pretentiousness and self-importance of the fine-art world. I realized that I didn't have much in common with ahteeests whose goal as an artist was to discomfit or disgust or sicken their audience under the guise of Making A Statement.
I recognize that everyone is drawn to art (all sorts of art) for many different reasons. I believe that there is a very valid and necessary place in the world for art that discomfits and disturbs the complacent. But I resented (and still do resent), very deeply, the prevailing sense in the pro art world that this is the best and only way to be a "proper" artist. I loathe the pervasive idea that art which is created because it's fun, or created for the sake of pleasing or entertaining people, is less in every way, which goes hand-in-hand with the equally loathsome idea that the artist who creates it is not smart enough or artistic enough or brave enough to do real art.
I hate it because I've spent most of my adult life unlearning that idea and learning not to look down on myself for not being that kind of artist, even though, tangentially, my art is about what's important to me, and sometimes does make statements -- it's just that that's not my primary reason for making it.
The bit from Bear's post that really stood out for me:
Yeah, well, I'm primarily a storyteller, and I'm proud of it. It's not that my work is never about anything -- my original work in particular is very often About Important Stuff. But it's more importantly about people -- telling their stories, getting invested in their lives, caring about them and making my reader care about them as much as I do. There's definitely a valuable place in fiction for making your reader think (and good fiction does), but I resent the implication that I'm not a proper artist if I'm more interested in telling my readers a proper story than poking them in the eye. And I don't think it would have prickled me so hard in the case of this particular blog post if artistic/creative academia wasn't full of this attitude (and if this one particular artist hadn't been brought up for failing to recognize her readers as people in the past, too).
... Okay, that's not entirely fair. But when I read that post, my knee-jerk reaction was, "Oh god, it's like I'm a freshman again!" -- and not in a good way. The thing is, I loved studying art; I loved learning the techniques and studying and riffing off famous artists from the past. What I did not love, and what made me realize (among other things) that art-as-a-career was not for me, was the pretentiousness and self-importance of the fine-art world. I realized that I didn't have much in common with ahteeests whose goal as an artist was to discomfit or disgust or sicken their audience under the guise of Making A Statement.
I recognize that everyone is drawn to art (all sorts of art) for many different reasons. I believe that there is a very valid and necessary place in the world for art that discomfits and disturbs the complacent. But I resented (and still do resent), very deeply, the prevailing sense in the pro art world that this is the best and only way to be a "proper" artist. I loathe the pervasive idea that art which is created because it's fun, or created for the sake of pleasing or entertaining people, is less in every way, which goes hand-in-hand with the equally loathsome idea that the artist who creates it is not smart enough or artistic enough or brave enough to do real art.
I hate it because I've spent most of my adult life unlearning that idea and learning not to look down on myself for not being that kind of artist, even though, tangentially, my art is about what's important to me, and sometimes does make statements -- it's just that that's not my primary reason for making it.
The bit from Bear's post that really stood out for me:
My job as an artist is not to console you or distract you from the things in the world that make you unhappy. That's my job as an entertainer, and often it's in direct conflict with my job as an artist--but conflict is what makes narratives interesting, so that's okay. My job as an artist is not to give you characters and stories you care about and invest in and want to spend time with. That's my job as a storyteller, which supports and informs my job as an artist.
Yeah, well, I'm primarily a storyteller, and I'm proud of it. It's not that my work is never about anything -- my original work in particular is very often About Important Stuff. But it's more importantly about people -- telling their stories, getting invested in their lives, caring about them and making my reader care about them as much as I do. There's definitely a valuable place in fiction for making your reader think (and good fiction does), but I resent the implication that I'm not a proper artist if I'm more interested in telling my readers a proper story than poking them in the eye. And I don't think it would have prickled me so hard in the case of this particular blog post if artistic/creative academia wasn't full of this attitude (and if this one particular artist hadn't been brought up for failing to recognize her readers as people in the past, too).
State of Me, and links
Jan. 29th, 2009 01:42 pm1. It's cold again. Woe.
2. We have a sick chicken. I'm not sure what's wrong with her, though looking up chicken diseases online, there are several dozen different things it could be and they all have the same basic symptom ("Chicken looks unhappy"). I was honestly expecting to wake up and find that she'd died in the night, because she was looking terrible when I brought her in last night -- hunched and fluffed up, labored breathing, eyes shut, unresponsive. But this morning, she was looking around in the cardboard box where I stashed her in the garage, and I think she'd had some water to drink. Maybe she was just hypothermic or dehydrated or something. Here's hoping she's perkier yet when I go home tonight. (Now I'm wondering, seriously: do you have to harden chickens off like houseplants? Can you just take an animal that's been living inside and put it back outside again?)
3. Last week I made my writing goals. Go me! This week is not looking great. The current KCL story wraps up on Feb. 11 and I'm still dithering about which one to do next.
4. Car failed. Car is now fixed. 'nuff said.
5. I really want to do a decent roundup of posts in the Cultural Appropriation/Racism in Sci-Fi/Pro Writer Blogfail, because there's a lot being discussed that's very pertinent to writers of speculative fiction (of any color) and to us as SFF fans and as human beings, but I'm not even sure where to begin. Seeking-Avalon has a timeline of the basic bones of the main argument, and![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
rydra_wong has been keeping an extensive series of link roundups. A few links that I've read lately that had particular resonance for me (your mileage may, of course, vary): kate_nepveu writes an open letter to white people in SFF fandom; coffeeandink presents How Not to Engage in Discussions of Cultural Appropriation (a deconstruction of this post) with interesting discussion following in comments; and nojojojo points out that we worry about it too ("we" meaning writers of color; "it" being cultural/ethnic sensitivity and [mis]representation).
6. I found this post, on breaking a novel down into three "acts", potentially useful as one way of managing a large project. I may try this on the next big project I tackle (possibly the next Kismet book, since so much of it is still unformed). And a link from Elizabeth Bear's blog (which, granted, I feel a bit guilty about linking to, but she does have good writing stuff on there, and yes, I still have her on my reading list): PTSD is not sexy, and survival of violence is not merely an interesting character flaw.
And now, back into my hole to wait for spring.
2. We have a sick chicken. I'm not sure what's wrong with her, though looking up chicken diseases online, there are several dozen different things it could be and they all have the same basic symptom ("Chicken looks unhappy"). I was honestly expecting to wake up and find that she'd died in the night, because she was looking terrible when I brought her in last night -- hunched and fluffed up, labored breathing, eyes shut, unresponsive. But this morning, she was looking around in the cardboard box where I stashed her in the garage, and I think she'd had some water to drink. Maybe she was just hypothermic or dehydrated or something. Here's hoping she's perkier yet when I go home tonight. (Now I'm wondering, seriously: do you have to harden chickens off like houseplants? Can you just take an animal that's been living inside and put it back outside again?)
3. Last week I made my writing goals. Go me! This week is not looking great. The current KCL story wraps up on Feb. 11 and I'm still dithering about which one to do next.
4. Car failed. Car is now fixed. 'nuff said.
5. I really want to do a decent roundup of posts in the Cultural Appropriation/Racism in Sci-Fi/Pro Writer Blogfail, because there's a lot being discussed that's very pertinent to writers of speculative fiction (of any color) and to us as SFF fans and as human beings, but I'm not even sure where to begin. Seeking-Avalon has a timeline of the basic bones of the main argument, and
rydra_wong has been keeping an extensive series of link roundups. A few links that I've read lately that had particular resonance for me (your mileage may, of course, vary): kate_nepveu writes an open letter to white people in SFF fandom; coffeeandink presents How Not to Engage in Discussions of Cultural Appropriation (a deconstruction of this post) with interesting discussion following in comments; and nojojojo points out that we worry about it too ("we" meaning writers of color; "it" being cultural/ethnic sensitivity and [mis]representation).6. I found this post, on breaking a novel down into three "acts", potentially useful as one way of managing a large project. I may try this on the next big project I tackle (possibly the next Kismet book, since so much of it is still unformed). And a link from Elizabeth Bear's blog (which, granted, I feel a bit guilty about linking to, but she does have good writing stuff on there, and yes, I still have her on my reading list): PTSD is not sexy, and survival of violence is not merely an interesting character flaw.
And now, back into my hole to wait for spring.
**accomplished**
Apr. 9th, 2008 10:06 pmToday's project ... DONE! I finished filling in the missing scenes in my novella. I have a habit of skipping forward when I write -- if I get stuck on a scene, I'll jump over to the next scene and leave the notation tba (to be added) plus a few words about what's supposed to go there. So, the rough draft on the novella is finished; now for a heavy editing sweep. It's currently clocking in at about 27,000 words, and I'd like to *try* to get down to something near my original target of 20,000 words for better saleability, though I'm not sure if that's possible even if I streamline and combine some of the wordier scenes. Still ... after a pass or three of the magic editing wand, it'll be ready to find a beta reader. I am pleased!
And I had a major breakthrough on the next Kismet book, Sun-Cutter; I was massively stuck on one particular character, but I think I've finally got them nailed down. I've also capitulated to the fact that I'm just *not* an outline writer, and in graphic novels, writing the script before I start drawing the art is something I just can't seem to do. I've been beating my head against the script for months, but working on character concept sketches lately has reminded me that I'm happiest when I just jump right in and draw without a safety net. The trouble is, as I learned on Hunter's Moon, drawing without a script makes editing a nightmare and major revisions are nearly impossible, since the art's already *done*. I know that HM would be a better, stronger novel if I'd been able to revise the way you can a print novel, but short of redrawing a bunch of pages, the most I could do was minor art and text revisions.
Perhaps I'll draw the first few pages and see how it goes. I'm currently projecting Jan. 2009 as a launch date for the Sun-Cutter webcomic, and my target length is about 150-200 pages. (Considering the way both HM and RC ballooned on me, I should probably prepare myself for something longer, though. But I think I have the plot more tightly in control this time!)
And I had a major breakthrough on the next Kismet book, Sun-Cutter; I was massively stuck on one particular character, but I think I've finally got them nailed down. I've also capitulated to the fact that I'm just *not* an outline writer, and in graphic novels, writing the script before I start drawing the art is something I just can't seem to do. I've been beating my head against the script for months, but working on character concept sketches lately has reminded me that I'm happiest when I just jump right in and draw without a safety net. The trouble is, as I learned on Hunter's Moon, drawing without a script makes editing a nightmare and major revisions are nearly impossible, since the art's already *done*. I know that HM would be a better, stronger novel if I'd been able to revise the way you can a print novel, but short of redrawing a bunch of pages, the most I could do was minor art and text revisions.
Perhaps I'll draw the first few pages and see how it goes. I'm currently projecting Jan. 2009 as a launch date for the Sun-Cutter webcomic, and my target length is about 150-200 pages. (Considering the way both HM and RC ballooned on me, I should probably prepare myself for something longer, though. But I think I have the plot more tightly in control this time!)
