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Bittersweet
Sep. 21st, 2004 05:15 amI had the most interesting dream. Since I'm wide awake now and can't fall back asleep, I thought I'd write it down.
My beloved dog died last fall. She was not by any means the first pet I've had (or even the only pet I've had since) but she was the only animal I've ever really, truly loved, and it's taken me this long to consider getting another dog. The last few days I've been looking at puppies in the paper and at the pound. There's a litter of puppies at the pound right now that are really, seriously tempting, but I've been holding off, mostly because they're a very different breed from Frisky and I'm not sure if I'd enjoy owning a different breed.
So, my dream was just your basic dream -- running around and doing stuff that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense. And Frisky was there, just kind of there, trotting around after me like always. I remember thinking in the dream that her death had all been a horrible mistake (which was sort of what it was in real life, anyway). However, the funny thing in the dream is that she couldn't go home with me. In order to get home from the rest of the dream, you had to go through this wide grassy place with a hill, and from that hill two paths led away: one to my house off to the west, which I could see quite easily, and the other off to some mountains to the east. The color in the east was just exactly that combination of blue winter sky and morning gold that I've always loved -- it's hard to describe, but I've never seen it anywhere but Alaska, and the first time I saw it after moving back this fall, I knew for sure I'd come home.
I kept trying to get Frisky to follow me down the west path, but she wouldn't go off the hill. She could, and would, go back the other way with me -- back into the storyline of the dream. But she wouldn't go past the hill, though she was very apologetic about it. And I finally realized that she couldn't go west with me. The east path was the path she had to go on, and I couldn't go that way any more than she could go my way.
As soon as I understood this, I woke up.
I've never really quite known what to believe about dreams -- if they're always just random neurons firing in the brain, or if sometimes your subconscious is trying to tell you things your conscious brain doesn't comprehend, or if sometimes they're even more than that. In any case, I think it's okay to get another dog, as soon as those puppies are available for adoption.
And ... this may be silly, but I have to write it down anyway. I hope she knows it's okay to go on east without me.
My beloved dog died last fall. She was not by any means the first pet I've had (or even the only pet I've had since) but she was the only animal I've ever really, truly loved, and it's taken me this long to consider getting another dog. The last few days I've been looking at puppies in the paper and at the pound. There's a litter of puppies at the pound right now that are really, seriously tempting, but I've been holding off, mostly because they're a very different breed from Frisky and I'm not sure if I'd enjoy owning a different breed.
So, my dream was just your basic dream -- running around and doing stuff that doesn't really make a whole lot of sense. And Frisky was there, just kind of there, trotting around after me like always. I remember thinking in the dream that her death had all been a horrible mistake (which was sort of what it was in real life, anyway). However, the funny thing in the dream is that she couldn't go home with me. In order to get home from the rest of the dream, you had to go through this wide grassy place with a hill, and from that hill two paths led away: one to my house off to the west, which I could see quite easily, and the other off to some mountains to the east. The color in the east was just exactly that combination of blue winter sky and morning gold that I've always loved -- it's hard to describe, but I've never seen it anywhere but Alaska, and the first time I saw it after moving back this fall, I knew for sure I'd come home.
I kept trying to get Frisky to follow me down the west path, but she wouldn't go off the hill. She could, and would, go back the other way with me -- back into the storyline of the dream. But she wouldn't go past the hill, though she was very apologetic about it. And I finally realized that she couldn't go west with me. The east path was the path she had to go on, and I couldn't go that way any more than she could go my way.
As soon as I understood this, I woke up.
I've never really quite known what to believe about dreams -- if they're always just random neurons firing in the brain, or if sometimes your subconscious is trying to tell you things your conscious brain doesn't comprehend, or if sometimes they're even more than that. In any case, I think it's okay to get another dog, as soon as those puppies are available for adoption.
And ... this may be silly, but I have to write it down anyway. I hope she knows it's okay to go on east without me.