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This was apparently written after the Janet Jackson nipple "scandal" two years ago, but it was linked in a recent post from this blog here, and it's the funniest damn thing I've read in weeks. You know what this guy reminds me of? The Onion's fake editorials by its loonily ancient, off-the-right-wing-deep-end publisher, whose opinion on current events froze somewhere in 1910. Only this guy is, I presume, serious. My very favorite part:
There are so many beautiful events in the history of our nation that our children and our families deserve to know, so many glorious episodes to dramatize. Why doesn't the NFL stage a ten-year sequence of halftime shows that tell the great story of the Founding of our nation? For this story embodies all the virtues required by championship football, and many others besides.
I can't ... I don't ... I ... Words fail me.
"Coming up on the Superbowl halftime show ... the 12th Amendment, the Louisiana Purchase and the Van Buren presidency ... reinacted by football players! Next year -- the NFL presents 1840 through 1852 -- don't miss the excitement!"
It's like high school History 101 gone terribly, terribly wrong.
There are so many beautiful events in the history of our nation that our children and our families deserve to know, so many glorious episodes to dramatize. Why doesn't the NFL stage a ten-year sequence of halftime shows that tell the great story of the Founding of our nation? For this story embodies all the virtues required by championship football, and many others besides.
I can't ... I don't ... I ... Words fail me.
"Coming up on the Superbowl halftime show ... the 12th Amendment, the Louisiana Purchase and the Van Buren presidency ... reinacted by football players! Next year -- the NFL presents 1840 through 1852 -- don't miss the excitement!"
It's like high school History 101 gone terribly, terribly wrong.