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Pondering heroes and the tropes thereof
The latest book from my Library Pile is one that I’d thought to be a historical murder mystery from the cover, but once I started to read, I realized it was a mystery-romance. The heroine has a meet-cute with a guy on the ferry that she’s taking to the Greek island where the events of the book take place. On the island, he is giving her a lift in his sporty little car, when he accidentally knocks over an old lady’s fruit stand, knocking oranges all over the road. Immediately, he stops, apologizes, and helps the old lady pick up her fruit.
And this really gave me pause; it made me stop and go, “Wow, I like this guy! This one’s a keeper, lady.”
… then about five pages later, the actual romantic hero shows up, which is clearly signposted because he is a total dick and the heroine hates him. Just to be sure, I turned to the blurb on the back (normally I avoid those, being a spoilerphobe) and discovered that not only is Dick Boy our “hero”, but the guy I’d liked so much is slated to be the murder victim.
Yeah. No. This one goes straight back to the library.
But this made me realize just how thoroughly over the alpha-hero trope I am. Over. Done. I want characters (male and female) who are the sort of person who would stop to help an old lady pick up her oranges. I am hungry for kind characters in literature, the sort of people who are aware that they exist as part of a community; who, when they accidentally hurt someone, notice and apologize for it, even if it’s a stranger, and doubly so if it’s a loved one.
And I think it was very eye-opening for me how startling it was, to encounter a scene in the opening pages of the book in which the character that I had believed to be the hero does something kind and altruistic. That’s rare. And it shouldn’t be. And this isn’t a problem specific to the romance genre. I read so many books in which the characters are misanthropic loners or just general jerks. I can enjoy me some misanthropic loners, but these days, I find that I’m really craving books about characters who aren’t. (Even if they may occasionally mistake themselves for one.)
Crossposted from Wordpress.
Re: Yes...
When I was in college, I took Sociology of Marriage and Family Life. It was one of the more rewarding classes I took, along with the Psych Communications course. I very distinctly remember one particular class in which we discussed patterns of women, attraction, and men.
Something the professor, who was a marriage counselor of some thirty years, gave as an example was how women in teen years would make "perfect guy" lists, with all the qualities they wanted. She asked the class (which was 90% women) if we had done that, and if our relationship choices matched what we consciously wanted. Several of the women spoke up and said that, when pointed out like that, the men that they chose were the exact opposite of what they consciously wanted -- one lady even said she had been through four major relationships, marriages, and divorces, and that she knew that she picked men who were bad for her and would abuse her. But that all the guys that met the qualities on her list? The ones that were really nice guys (not Nice Guys) and were there for her? She just wasn't attracted to. And several other women responded in agreement -- that there was just some reason why they were not attracted to these guys, but they were attracted to men that would hurt them. And they knew it.
I don't think we ever got into discussing why it happened (we didn't have enough class time; literally most of the 2 and a half hours of that class was spent with pretty much the entire class breaking down) but it was such a huge thing, among so many of us... (Adding, I think, trying to remember, the determination most of us came to was that it was a cultural thing, in how women are raised in the patriarchy, and... that was just way way too much for that class to cover.)
Re: Yes...
I hit the same thing in my Women's Studies classes. It was embarrassing to see baby feminists doing this. There is just not enough palm for the face.
>> Something the professor, who was a marriage counselor of some thirty years, gave as an example was how women in teen years would make "perfect guy" lists, with all the qualities they wanted. She asked the class (which was 90% women) if we had done that, and if our relationship choices matched what we consciously wanted. <<
I did that. The universe delivered someone who fit all of my qualifications, and was nothing like what I expected, and there was a bunch of stuff I abruptly realized that I hadn't considered at all. But it's worked out brilliantly.
>> I don't think we ever got into discussing why it happened <<
There's a description of this phenomenon in the novel Six Moon Dance that involved the phrase "he looks dangerous and smells virile." And I thought, yeah, that probably accounts for a sizable percentage of the cases.
Re: Yes...
Except my partner, who is like my mom. My mom is awesome. I was shocked when my partner had been single for over two years when we got together, because they are so very very awesome and sweet and thoughtful and all-around wonderful. But, I noticed the way they treated women. We have an open relationship, and a friend of ours back east held parties that tended to result in hookups. And there was this one chick there that while I frequently ended up playing with, my partner felt that she needed a friend more than a fuckbuddy. And that was how they treated most women... friends first, although they were certainly open to more.
Which, all the people I have been with were friends first, so I don't quite understand the aversion to that that some people have. Granted, I also have aversions to macho male attitudes and with one exception (and I am pretty sure he deliberately misrepresented himself) all the guys or MAAB people I have been with have had very strong feminine qualities.