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And lo, there was bread
I just can't thank Jane enough for pointing me to this recipe for No-Knead Bread. Now, I'm thoroughly cooking-impaired, and I generally make bread that'll break your toes if you are unlucky enough to drop a loaf on your foot. But this came out perfect -- light, crispy, tasty, and incredibly easy. You need to start the night before in order to have bread the next day, but as long as you're not in a "must have bread NOW!" situation, it's fantastic.
It's been snowing intermittently since Thursday, so I'll console myself with bread. Sigh.
It's been snowing intermittently since Thursday, so I'll console myself with bread. Sigh.

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Aha! Google to the rescue! Instant yeast is just like regular yeast except it rises faster and doesn't need warm water to activate it. (How does that work? I always thought that yeast needed to be warm in order to grow!) Anyway, ordinary yeast worked just fine for me.