Introverts unite!

[layla]

A nifty article I came across today on Caring For Your Introvert neatly expresses a concept that I've always had trouble getting across to people -- that social interaction drains me. I sometimes have a hard time figuring out how to explain, without sounding like a total weenie, that it's not that I don't enjoy spending time with my friends; it's just that I need a lot of charging/recharging in order to prepare for or recover from an evening of social interaction, or even a phone conversation. It's fun, but it's also a bit like running a marathon uphill, especially in a social setting with a lot of people. I've learned by experience that about 2-3 hours of personal interaction (give or take a bit) or somewhere between a half-hour to an hour on the phone is about as long as I can happily enjoy before I reach the point where weariness starts to overwhelm the fun I'm having. So ... if I leave a party early, or if I politely start trying to end a conversation on the phone after an hour or so, it's not because I don't like you, it's just because I'm getting very tired and I need to stop for a rest.

Comments

Re: Essay, part 2~

[naye]

I'm not sure if an imbalance between the introvert/extrovert thing was a factor in my break-up... It might have been. I might have needed someone to push me to be more social, and he might have felt I was a hopeless immobile object, always busy with my own things? Hmm. Definitely something to be more aware of if I end up in a relationship again... But you can't always know everything about yourself. You sometimes have to learn the hard way - or the fun way, which is through discussing it with friends! ♥

I can spend hours and hours talking to some people, but in a social group situation with a lot of people, I do wear out pretty fast. I wish I felt free to take a computer or book along when I go visiting, because all I really need is a little time every now and then to retreat into my own head and recharge, so I can go back to being social again...

That's what was so great about the set-up we had with the gaming group. Obviously we all know each other really, really well, and acted more as a family group than as friends when we were together... but together with them, if it got a little too much, I'd pull out my laptop and take a moment to read my mail or browse LJ or something. And it really wasn't because I was bored with them. Maybe I'm reading introversion into everything right now, but... It's interesting to me that you should mention wanting to bring a computer along!

But I really do have a high tolerance for other people, if they're the right people - when I visit xparrot, I'm sometimes in the same room with her for days. Literally! Her place in Japan is so small that my futon was right by the foot end of hers, and there was nowhere else to go in the apartment. *g* But I'm also quite happy to go stay with people who have to work several hours a day - I will never, ever feel lonely or abandoned if there is a computer and/or a bookshelf around. ^__^

What I really don't get, though, is hanging out with other people as a cure for this feeling.

I should quiz my brother on this! Poor thing - you can literally see him wilt if you leave him alone for too long. He needs other people around to energize him when he's down, or relax him when he's stressed... It's so, so strange. We're siblings, and I still don't get how he does it.

There are days, though, when I come home from work so mentally exhausted (both from dealing with other people, and from general work-related problem-solving) that I'm utterly unable to THINK -- all I can do is surf the net or read something until it's time for bed.

I know that feeling too... I'm so glad I don't have the kind of job that leaves me that exhausted anymore! The library is the perfect place for me to work, because I get to be friendly and helpful and talk books with people - and then I get to spend time doing shelving, or just waiting for someone to come ask me a question, and in that time I can do whatever I want. Nobody ever complains about finding a librarian lost in a book, and since we have computers right there for work-related stuff, it's perfectly natural for me to be focused on the screen...! (This will change if I get a full-time position, and get my own area of responsibility and such - but I can't imagine it will ever get as bad as it did when I was working in the post office, or the foreign exchange place... *shudder*.)