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Introverts unite!
A nifty article I came across today on Caring For Your Introvert neatly expresses a concept that I've always had trouble getting across to people -- that social interaction drains me. I sometimes have a hard time figuring out how to explain, without sounding like a total weenie, that it's not that I don't enjoy spending time with my friends; it's just that I need a lot of charging/recharging in order to prepare for or recover from an evening of social interaction, or even a phone conversation. It's fun, but it's also a bit like running a marathon uphill, especially in a social setting with a lot of people. I've learned by experience that about 2-3 hours of personal interaction (give or take a bit) or somewhere between a half-hour to an hour on the phone is about as long as I can happily enjoy before I reach the point where weariness starts to overwhelm the fun I'm having. So ... if I leave a party early, or if I politely start trying to end a conversation on the phone after an hour or so, it's not because I don't like you, it's just because I'm getting very tired and I need to stop for a rest.
Re: I'm essaying again - sorry!
But this was really interesting to hear - the way our childhoods really do shape us, in so many ways, and how those habits picked up in your early years can be almost impossible to shake! I can absolutely see why you started hiding what you were drawing... Our circumstances were very different, but I definitely took to hiding what I was watching. Which was difficult, when there were always people walking through the TV room on their ways to their bedrooms, or sitting down to watch the news and stuff. A lot of the time, it'd be people I didn't know, and some of the time, they'd take it on themselves to comment on my viewing choices. So pretty early on, I started taping my shows, and then watching them late at night, when nobody else was around. Some shows just aired at bad times - too late, or when I was in school - but I'm sure it was more than just the timing that made me save the shows I loved for when I was alone.
It spilled over into other stuff, too - I never wanted the people in the bookstore to see that I was buying tie-in novels, because it would mean they knew what I loved, and might judge me for it. Not that I ever thought things through that far when I was still a kid, but looking back on it? I'm pretty sure that's what it was.
And I was more solitary on the internet, too. At least when I first found it, the thought of sharing the kind of things that other people were sharing... It was really strange to get used to fandom being a social thing. Strange, but cool.
Now the internet doesn't feel like socializing - it's not at all draining in the way RL being with people is. Actually, like I mentioned - I've used my computer to get a little alone time, even with people still in the room... Which is really weird, but I think it works, for me? If my attention is on something I want to do, and not on the people around me, that can help me relax...
I recognize the natural inclination to hole up, and I agree - it is bad to let that kind of thing go overboard! And it's so easy and comfortable to allow you to do it, too. After all, it takes effort to go out - it doesn't take any effort at all to stay put where you are. And I'm very guilty of letting the inertia take over. Japan was great, because I knew I had a limited time and was living in an awesomely cool place, and so I did go out and do things. I was social with my fellow geeks, and did a lot of exploring the city by bike. But once I got back to Sweden, I turned into such a couch vegetable... It's something I know I'm going to have to be careful not to overdo in the future.
This is when it's probably good to have a partner or friend who is willing to give you that extra nudge you need to go outside and have fun. (It was one of the great things with being in the US - M actually did that to me! I would never have spent New Year's eve listening to an 80's cover band and dancing around if it had been up to me, but I had an absolute blast, and I'm so glad she made me go!)
Re: I'm essaying again - sorry!
Yes, for me too! I think it's because I have total control over the pacing of social interaction online. Answering emails or LJ comments can be done at my own speed, while I listen to music and sip tea. If I want to take off for an hour or so to walk the dogs or make dinner, or switch back to writing fiction for a while, I can do it without having to interrupt a conversation or feeling like I'm inconveniencing someone else.
The chats we've been doing kind of fall in the middle, I think ... it's less socially/emotionally tiring than talking on the phone, and it's much easier to interrupt and run off to do something, but I do feel the need to do something solitary for a while when we're done.
(Speaking of which ... have you written anything more lately? Tomorrow's a workday, but if you *aren't* writing on it right now, I was thinking about taking the document along and seeing if I can get some writing done if it's slow.)
Re: I'm essaying again - sorry!
The chats we've been doing kind of fall in the middle, I think ... it's less socially/emotionally tiring than talking on the phone, and it's much easier to interrupt and run off to do something, but I do feel the need to do something solitary for a while when we're done.
I usually go to bed when we're done. *g* So... I couldn't really say! But I'm glad that you've got a feel for what it takes out of you. And hopefully, you don't push yourself to chat or so when you don't want to! I mean, I haven't gotten that impression, but - just so you know that I won't take offense. ♥
(Writing - no, nothing really substantial... Go ahead, if you're still awake and in the mood to write! Sorry I didn't answer sooner - woke up later than usual today.)
Mail problems?
Basically I was just asking you to send the doc back if you do work on it, because I hope to have time & focus today, but. Bouncing mails? This is not good, is it? I'm not spam~! (Well. Sometimes, maybe, but I didn't think spam filters would judge me. *g*)
Re: Mail problems?
I've been getting emails today, though, so maybe try sending it again? If not, I'll go into my spam filters and see if I can figure out how to allow an address. (I've never actually tried to do that before, so ... it would be an adventure!)
Re: Mail problems?
Err. Have sent again - no bouncing yet! I should send you the error message, too, so you know. (That's the thing - it sent a long error message back, so if that was happening to ficathon people, they'd probably be all over your comments...!)
Huh. Maybe it was just a one-time glitch in the system?
Re: Mail problems?
Oh, hang on, I think I just got your email! Guess they decided you were a real human being after all.
Re: I'm essaying again - sorry!
... oh, and I really hear you on this, too! This is the only real trouble with me and my husband being on the same page where these things are concerned -- it's *really* easy for us to turn into couch-lumps together. Just as an example, I took two trips last summer, one to Newfoundland with my husband, and one to the Eastern U.S. and Quebec with my sister. My sister is a high-energy, extrovert type, and we packed in an incredible amount of DOING into our vacation -- we were exhausted by the end, but we saw and did a lot of things. Whereas the Newfoundland trip was more like downtime; we spent a lot of time hiking along the coast in a leisurely sort of way, or relaxing in the hotel room. And while I really enjoyed the mindless time off, looking back on it now, I wish I'd taken more advantage of the opportunity to see the island, since I may not be back.