Introverts unite!

[layla]

A nifty article I came across today on Caring For Your Introvert neatly expresses a concept that I've always had trouble getting across to people -- that social interaction drains me. I sometimes have a hard time figuring out how to explain, without sounding like a total weenie, that it's not that I don't enjoy spending time with my friends; it's just that I need a lot of charging/recharging in order to prepare for or recover from an evening of social interaction, or even a phone conversation. It's fun, but it's also a bit like running a marathon uphill, especially in a social setting with a lot of people. I've learned by experience that about 2-3 hours of personal interaction (give or take a bit) or somewhere between a half-hour to an hour on the phone is about as long as I can happily enjoy before I reach the point where weariness starts to overwhelm the fun I'm having. So ... if I leave a party early, or if I politely start trying to end a conversation on the phone after an hour or so, it's not because I don't like you, it's just because I'm getting very tired and I need to stop for a rest.

Comments

[xparrot.livejournal.com]

Great article! I knew most of that already, in general and about myself specifically, but it's still nice to see it laid out so clearly. Especially the point that modern Western socializing is really not set up for us, even if we're a very large minority.

The biggest thing that spoke to me in that article was the frustration with small talk. OH GOD YES. When I was a kid I was considered to be painfully shy. I don't think of myself like that anymore, but put me in a party with people I don't know and I'll still find the quietest corner - not because I can't talk or I'm scared to talk, but I really don't want to. I'm a very chatty introvert - with the right people I will happily talk for hours - but only conversations I care about with people I care about. Talking just for the sake of talking drives me mad.

And that needing to recharge, too...yeah. That was what killed me my first year in Japan. Teaching conversational English 5 days a week, 5 days a week spending hours engaging in small talk at various levels of competency - yeah. After work or on weekends I never went out because I could not handle being around people at all, I needed "me time" so badly. Working part-time now I can handle it a lot better.

[laylalawlor.livejournal.com]

My own track record on small talk is sort of mixed -- if I'm in the right mood, I can really enjoy chatting with new people, but I do have to feel like doing it; trying to make small talk when I'd rather go off alone is frustrating and difficult.

Especially the point that modern Western socializing is really not set up for us, even if we're a very large minority.

That was so neat, because I'd really never thought about it like that, and yet thinking about it -- yeah, there is no reason at all why small talk should be the default, or why it would be considered rude to turn down an invitation to go out on a Friday night, or go off and read a book for a while at a social event. And yet it is very much that way; it's the extroverts who make the "rules".